Getting married is scary, but when you factor in the costs and who is paying for the wedding it turns into a nightmare. Here’s how to avoid a catastrophe!
When it comes to the wedding there’s a whole lot of planning to do, but first you need to figure out who pays for wedding. Back when your grandparents got married, this was pretty much set in stone. The bride’s family was in charge of paying for:
- Wedding announcements,
- The ceremony,
- Her dress,
- The reception, and
- Everything in between.
The groom’s family was in charge of:
- The rehearsal dinner,
- Corsages,
- The bride’s bouquet, and
- The legal stuff like the marriage license.
If you’re keeping things pretty traditional then paying for the wedding this way might not be such a headache.
Of course, we’re not in the 20th century anymore, and things have changed quite a bit. One big change for the better is that same-sex couples are able to marry in many parts of the world—so not all couples have a bride’s family or a groom’s family. Another change is that, most couples wait to get married until they’re on their own and earning their own money. So leaving your parents with the bill might not seem right, or it may not be an option at all.
These changes can upend your grandparents’ traditional wedding and leave us with the question: when it comes to a wedding, who pays for what? This question seems to trickle off many couple’s lips as soon as they let the folks know the big news. While many parents are becoming more and more willing to split the bills evenly, if a couple is already financially stable, it seems reasonable for them to pay part or all of the expenses. After all, who wants to send their parents big bills right as they’re getting ready to retire?
You may want to take the whole conversation to both sets of parents though. Often, parents want to chip in, if not pay for it all. Some families decide to do a three-way split giving both sets of parents a third and one third to the happy couple. Having a few different options ready when you sit down to talk will help you avoid a repeat of Steve Martin’s performance in The Father of the Bride.
There are a few other options available. For example, you could try to come up with smaller things for your parents to pick up the tab for. Maybe come up with sentimental things for each parent to buy. This will leave you and your partner most of the bill, but will really help out in the long run. If you want to leave your parents off the hook completely, take to the internet! You can register with websites that allow your friends and family to help you pay for activities on your honeymoon or they can donate money towards the actual cost of the wedding. This is a great option for couple’s who already live together and don’t really need a new set of knives or other cliché gifts.
However you decide to split the costs of your wedding, remember to thank anyone who makes any contribution to your big day—no matter how large or small. And don’t take my word for it on wedding etiquette. Celebrity wedding planners Barbara Esses and Ruthie Hecht have some great suggestions in the video below.
